oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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