What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
