Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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