Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
