idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i think my cat just said my name.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize