You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize