I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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