what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
