This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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