Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
