my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
