Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
