My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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