so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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