I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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