she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
