I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
