the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
