I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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