OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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