I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
