We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
