Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
