I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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