1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
