Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
