my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
