We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
