How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
