I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
