I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
