Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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