NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
