I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
