I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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