I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
