My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
