dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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