Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
