Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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