you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize