you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
