ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
