he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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