dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize