I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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