i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
