ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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