I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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