I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
