The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
