she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
