I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
