Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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