me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
