dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
