New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize