he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
