i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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