True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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