we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Everyone says I win the strip club
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
