i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize