the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
