Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
