i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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