Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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